#2-Every Problem has a Solution
#3-Talk to your doctor about an antidepressant (if needed)
#1-So I’ve been down in the dumps for several reasons lately. I think being single is the hardest thing I’m dealing with right now. I’ve worked on me and have self love and moved to a town I love BUT I’m still single. With all my friends married and most with kids, it’s hard to see the constant happiness posted over and over again on Facebook. Now, I know marriage isn’t easy. I have one friend who is very honest with the struggles she is having with her husband. I know another getting a divorce because her husband cheated on her. So I’ve been thinking why is being single more difficult for me lately?!? And I realize it’s because basically I’ve not had a good date in OVER two years. I’ve stopped trying in this town. I am going to give Bumble a shot cause I haven’t been on that yet but I think this town is too small for a 40+ single woman.
#2-So, then I began thinking, if I don’t have a good date in the next 6 months, I could move. And if I move (and I know the town I want to try next) and then find someone in the next couple of years, I’ll have the rest of my 40’s, all of my 50s, 60s, and hopefully 70s and some 80s and THAT’S A LOT of time to be with someone. So just thinking about that has put me in a better mood.
#3-I’ve been on the same antidepressant for the past couple of years and it’s time for a change.
#4-You can never go wrong with ice cream.
Overall, since the last time I wrote, life has been good. I still enjoy working as a therapist at the jail. Yet, I noticed a few weeks ago, I didn’t feel like myself.
It started with me getting back on a dating site and I heard from a guy but I didn’t pursue it. I told him I was going out of town (which was true) and I’d contact him when I got back. I went to a music festival and had one of the BEST times of my life. I went by myself but met someone new each day so I had no worries about being alone.
I got back and had NO desire to contact the guy…he was decent looking. I think maybe why I didn’t pursue it was because he didn’t “wow” me with anything…it was a basic “how are ya” message.
Then, on Facebook, a couple of friends hung out without inviting me. I feel so middle schooler saying this but it hurt a little to see I didn’t get an invite. So I deleted my facebook profile and I am just trying to focus on me and the blessings I do have in life.
But see, here’s the craziest thing about depression: no matter how much someone has, a dark cloud can still follow him/her everywhere. It feels like just breathing can be difficult. Smiling seems fake and forced. With the suicide of Linkin Park’s lead singer (a band I never listened to but just spent the last couple of hours listening to them), it’s just SO sad…
I have had to do A LOT of POSITIVE self talk these past couple of weeks and remind myself there are still MANY good times ahead to have…Hopefully, I will find that someone I can spend my evenings with so I’m not alone most nights….And until then, what am I going to do??? Breathe….one moment at a time.
It’s Saturday night and it’s just me and my furry kiddos. The norm for me which I’m totally OK with…I have had no interest in dating for the past year and it’s definitely a combination of interactions.
One is that a past client contacted me on an internet dating site. This probably happened about a year ago and I’m still a little scared to go back on any sites…lol. I just went to see if I kept the messages he sent me but I didn’t so this is going to be a little vague since it happened so long ago. He started his message writing about his unhappiness with another staff person at my agency. His complaint totally seemed legit so I told him that and that’s when he responded back suggesting we could hang out sometime. I answered back saying that would not be professional of me to do so and I was now going to block him. Which I did and haven’t gone back to that site until tonight.
Then, I had my worst date ever which I did write about and you can find here: Worst Date Ever
And now while at the jail, I have patients/inmates wanting to write me when they either go to prison or are getting released from jail…Yep, lucky me.
I know having no interest in dating is not healthy. I should get out there and start dating again. I do get on Tinder every few weeks (which I’ve done the last 6 months) but nothing has come from this site.
So this is my plan: it looks like I’m going to have to move soon…like in the next month or two. I have an interview on Tuesday in a town that would be fun to live in and which would be WAY bigger than the town I’m in now. I’ll move to a bigger town so the likelihood of me meeting a past client will be slim. I know this and because of this, it will get me out there looking again.
Good plan, right?!?! =)