Single life

Single life

It’s Saturday night and it’s just me and my furry kiddos. The norm for me which I’m totally OK with…I have had no interest in dating for the past year and it’s definitely a combination of interactions.

One is that a past client contacted me on an internet dating site. This probably happened about a year ago and I’m still a little scared to go back on any sites…lol.  I just went to see if I kept the messages he sent me but I didn’t so this is going to be a little vague since it happened so long ago.  He started his message writing about his unhappiness with another staff person at my agency. His complaint totally seemed legit so I told him that and that’s when he responded back suggesting we could hang out sometime.  I answered back saying that would not be professional of me to do so and I was now going to block him. Which I did and haven’t gone back to that site until tonight.

Then, I had my worst date ever which I did write about and you can find here: Worst Date Ever

And now while at the jail, I have patients/inmates wanting to write me when they either go to prison or are getting released from jail…Yep, lucky me.

I know having no interest in dating is not healthy.  I should get out there and start dating again. I do get on Tinder every few weeks (which I’ve done the last 6 months) but nothing has come from this site.

So this is my plan: it looks like I’m going to have to move soon…like in the next month or two. I have an interview on Tuesday in a town that would be fun to live in and which would be WAY bigger than the town I’m in now. I’ll move to a bigger town so the likelihood of me meeting a past client will be slim. I know this and because of this, it will get me out there looking again.

Good plan, right?!?! =)

 

Jail and Tinder

Jail and Tinder

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Noooo, I didn’t just get in trouble and have to spend some time in jail. If you didn’t see my post from a few weeks ago, I have recently been hired to work as a therapist at the jail. I wrote in that post “that everyone deserves to be listened to” and I want this to be true. Yet, I’m finding this is easier said than done. =( I found it hard my first couple of shifts when I heard the charges of the inmates: mom charged for sexually molesting her son; man charged for taking naked pictures of underage girls and now wants to blame it on his mental illness that he is faking to have.

My supervisor said she does not ask the inmates about their charges so she does not become jaded. I am going to start doing the same. I do believe there is a reason for ever action and everyone does have the ability to change. My plan is help each inmate through their crisis (for a lot of them, it  is their upcoming court and the unknown of their sentence or just getting their sentence). I will start focusing on worst case scenario and how they can face 5, 10, 20+ years in prison.

Good news about my  supervisor. I heard her say on the phone while she was talking to one of her kids: “Am I gonna have to punch you in the face?” If you don’t know why that was good to hear, I said that exact thing in a text that I thought was going to a friend but it ended up going to my old boss which got me fired. Here’s the post on that if you haven’t read it yet:Things falling apart…

Tinder

I finally got on Tinder for the first time but no dates yet…there aren’t too many options in the town I live in for guys my age so I think I’ll have to wait till I get back to the city to go on a date (yes, I’m pretty sure I’m headed back to the city, I’ll write about that in my next post). Here is the first conversation I had with a guy on Tinder:

Me: “Hey…I’m finally trying Tinder for first time…how was your day?”

Him: “How are you”

Me: “I’m good…started a new job so change is always good…what’s been the highlight of your year so far?”

Him: “Nothing yet, you like dominant men?”

That’s it…he didn’t waste any time.  No, I’m not surprised. A friend recently posted on Facebook how she had a guy ask her right away if she wanted to watch Netflix and chill. She asked her friends how she could respond in the future and here are some of the funny responses she got:

“You’re so quick to ask. I hope you last longer in bed.”

And

“Perfect! I want kids too!”

And

“I’d really like that. May I see a pic of what you’re working with?”

Him: [sends pic]

You: “Does it get bigger? Or is that it?”

Aren’t those hilarious =)

1st Date in 8 months

1st Date in 8 months

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I can’t believe it’s been 8 months since my last date…This was definitely the longest I’ve gone without a date. Best part about it though is that I feel so good because I truly know myself and what I need.

He found me on Plenty of Fish and contacted me first asking: “Have you ever dug in the dirt at 14,000ft looking for aquamarine? That’s an adventure!”  Right away he gets  bonus points for being creative. We sent a couple of messages back and fourth and decided to do dinner tonight. I’ll call him Drummer since he plays in a band. Here’s what I learned:

Pro: He was married for 15 years  (I like to hear this because to me, it shows he loved someone very much and tried to make it work but it just wasn’t meant to be).

Con: He now lives with his mother. =(

Pro: He said he can’t remember the last time he got drunk and also said he doesn’t abuse any drugs either.

Con: He said he has two kids and when I asked about them,  all he said was that they were in the city…shouldn’t a father have a little bit more to say about his kids?

Pro: He bought my dinner and drinks, even after I tried to insist that I pay my half.

Pro: He’s intelligent and the conversation was easy and it flowed nicely.

Pro: He gives good hugs. =)

 

 

The Joys of Dating

The Joys of Dating

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So, after being in this town since May of 2015, I’ve finally decided to get serious about dating (well, also one of my coworkers keeps asking me if I’ve created a profile so I can finally say yes and she can leave me alone now…lol).

I created a profile on Plenty of Fish yesterday. This town is less than 100,000. And what did I notice today? One of my former patients also has a profile…oh, joy. It really actually creeps me out and part of me wants to delete my profile right away…I don’t think POF gives users the ability to block others because I would do that if that was an option. I guess I’ll keep it up for now and see what happens.

I’ve sent some emails out asking how their day was or weekend and I’ve gotten many one liners back like: “Was good…just taking it easy. How bout you?”  “Weekend was decent. How was yours?” and “Doing good. How about you?” That’s it?!?! That’s all I get?? Maybe I’m expecting too much…but just a few more sentences would be nice…Am I expecting too much???

One of the guys does get extra bonus points for being creative because when it asks about the first date in the profile, he said “fight off evil ninja monkeys.” =)

I guess I’ll try this Tinder thing everyone is talking about

I guess I’ll try this Tinder thing everyone is talking about

I’ve been in no hurry to start dating again because I DO trust life…more so now than in any other time in my life. In my late 20s/early 30s, there were a few times I felt so hopeless because all my friends were getting married. I thought being single was the worst thing that could happen to a gal. One time, I drove from Denver to Salina, Kansas (about 6 hours) to meet a guy for a first date and when he let me know he wasn’t attracted to me, I can vividly remember calling my friends Scarlett and Cale sobbing because I thought my life was over because I was so tired of dating.

Now, I enjoy my life SO MUCH that honestly, I am in no hurry to date. I know I have mentioned before that my coworkers are awesome. We are always doing something (on Christmas I worked and after work, we had a party where we drank and played Cards Against Humanity-It was my first time and I won! What a FUN game!! This weekend there is another get together).   A few of my coworkers though are urging me to start dating again. I first said: “OK, OK, I’ll start dating again once the new year starts.” Then, a few weeks ago I said: “I’ll start after Valentines day.” Coworkers: “YOU SAID YOU WOULD start in the new year.” Me: “I know, I know, I’ve been thinking about it and I just want to wait till after V-Day.”

So that’s my plan….I haven’t been on Tinder yet so I want to see what Tinder is all about. Yet, I’ll need to buy a new phone because my current phone has very low data storage.  But now I’ll have to wait on the new phone because I just got rear ended while driving in Santa Fe. My car isn’t driveable and so I need to go car shopping. My plan is to try Tinder some time in 2016…hahaha =)

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A 1st date-The Traveler

A 1st date-The Traveler

It’s hard to feel good about myself when not working and especially since I was fired from my last job…Yet, with all this extra time on my hands, it actually is the perfect time to look for a date.

So, I spot someone cute on OK Cupid (let’s call him The Traveler) and my go to 1st message has always been “Hey, how’s your day going?” It show’s interest and that way if a guy likes me, he can respond back. And if a guy doesn’t see me as attractive, well, I haven’t invested any time so who cares…lol. I receive a response back from The Traveler and we message back and fourth a couple times. I ask where he has traveled to and he tells me: “It would almost be easier to tell you where I haven’t traveled outside the US then where I have, but I don’t mean that in a conceited way!” My thoughts: Yay! He likes to experience the world!

In my next message I let him know: “I have a Masters in Social Work and Library Science and I’m actually in between jobs right now.” I want him to know I’m not some deadbeat and that’s why I included my education…but I also want to admit that I don’t have a job at the moment…will I hear back?!?

I do!

His response: “Sounds like you couldn’t get enough of studying lol but that is quite an accomplishment and I’m sure you will land a job soon. Just don’t forget to have fun in your down time between jobs. :)” A perfect response back in my opinion.

So we met up this weekend and once again a guy lies about his height. =( He said he was 5’9″ and he’s my height-5’6″.

He was a talker…he only asked me one question in the two hours we hung out. No wait, he asked me two and the second one was “Do you live in this neighborhood?” Well, once he said that I knew either A) He has a TERRIBLE memory or B) He never even read my profile. Not only do I not list “Denver” as the city I currently live in but my first sentence in my profile explains where I’m living and where I hope to be living soon. At one point he said “I can talk about anything-I can talk about your shirt or I can talk about your glasses…” (and then went on a 5 min monologue about how he just got glasses). He does have a very cool job-he’s a sound guy for a big name musician. And he did make me laugh several times. Maybe he was just nervous so if he asks me out again, I will meet up with him for another date because I believe we all deserve second chances.

Dating in 2015

Dating in 2015

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This is what dating is like in 2015…Scrolling through pics on a dating site and sometimes seeing absurd pics like this one. I’m totally serious. I really do wonder what this guy was thinking…

Or maybe clowns aren’t your thing…than how about a werewolf…IMG_20150228_084038

Most of the pics are normal, but every once in awhile, there are crazy ones like these and I just didn’t think you would believe me unless I posted them. =)

Then, there is what is written in their profiles. Here are a few of the sad responses men give and I wonder why they even bothered to set up an account on a dating website. Dating sites all have questions so I have the dating sites questions/statements first and then various responses from men.

6 things I could never do without: “I let you figure it out boo.”

I spend a lot of time thinking about: “Thumbs.” “My Little Pony.”

I’m really good at: “Listening to the radio.” “Killing Zombies.”

My self summary: “Im a chef by trade in a very private hmu if u r interested.” What the heck is a hmu?!?!

If guys are short, almost all of them lie about their height…so if it says they are 5’6″, they really are 5’4″. I don’t like to date guys who are shorter than me, so I’ve learned to look for guys who say they are at least 5’8″ and hopefully that means they are at least 5’6″ (my height).

I could go on and on…but you get the idea. I’ve said this before but will say it again, you married folks are SO LUCKY you don’t have to deal with being single at 40 (take note, young people, specifically, I’m thinking of a certain niece who is single, you are not 40 so enjoy being single now and all the dates who can/should go on until you meet the one! Once you are 40, I’ll let you complain about being single if you still are) =)

I’m not really sour grapes, dating today is just a crazy world. I do enjoy meeting someone new and always tend to learn something when I’m out on a first date….it’s just finding that normal guy that takes A LOT of time and effort.