How to be your own therapist

How to be your own therapist

#1-Self Reflect

#2-Every Problem has a Solution

#3-Talk to your doctor about an antidepressant (if needed)

#4-Ice Cream

#1-So I’ve been down in the dumps for several reasons lately. I think being single is the hardest thing I’m dealing with right now. I’ve worked on me and have self love and moved to a town I love BUT I’m still single. With all my friends married and most with kids, it’s hard to see the constant happiness posted over and over again on Facebook. Now, I know marriage isn’t easy. I have one friend who is very honest with the struggles she is having with her husband. I know another getting a divorce because her husband cheated on her. So I’ve been thinking why is being single more difficult for me lately?!? And I realize it’s because basically I’ve not had a good date in OVER two years. I’ve stopped trying in this town. I am going to give Bumble a shot cause I haven’t been on that yet but I think this town is too small for a 40+ single woman.

#2-So, then I began thinking, if I don’t have a good date in the next 6 months, I could move. And if I move (and I know the town I want to try next) and then find someone in the next couple of years, I’ll have the rest of my 40’s, all of my 50s, 60s, and hopefully 70s and some 80s and THAT’S A LOT of time to be with someone. So just thinking about that has put me in a better mood.

#3-I’ve been on the same antidepressant for the past couple of years and it’s time for a change.

#4-You can never go wrong with ice cream.

In a funk

In a funk

 

Overall, since the last time I wrote, life has been good. I still enjoy working as a therapist at the jail. Yet, I noticed a few weeks ago, I didn’t feel like myself.

It started with me getting back on a dating site and I heard from a guy but I didn’t pursue it. I told him I was going out of town (which was true) and I’d contact him when I got back. I went to a music festival and had one of the BEST times of my life. I went by myself but met someone new each day so I had no worries about being alone.

I got back and had NO desire to contact the guy…he was decent looking. I think maybe why I didn’t pursue it was because he didn’t “wow” me with anything…it was a basic “how are ya” message.

Then, on Facebook, a couple of friends hung out without inviting me. I feel so middle schooler saying this but it hurt a little to see I didn’t get an invite. So I deleted my facebook profile and I am just trying to focus on me and the blessings I do have in life.

But see, here’s the craziest thing about depression: no matter how much someone has, a dark cloud can still follow him/her everywhere. It feels like just breathing can be difficult. Smiling seems fake and forced. With the suicide of Linkin Park’s lead singer (a band I never listened to but just spent the last couple of hours listening to them), it’s just SO sad…

I have had to do A LOT of POSITIVE self talk these past couple of weeks and remind myself there are still MANY good times ahead to have…Hopefully, I will find that someone I can spend my evenings with so I’m not alone most nights….And until then, what am I going to do??? Breathe….one moment at a time.

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Single life

Single life

It’s Saturday night and it’s just me and my furry kiddos. The norm for me which I’m totally OK with…I have had no interest in dating for the past year and it’s definitely a combination of interactions.

One is that a past client contacted me on an internet dating site. This probably happened about a year ago and I’m still a little scared to go back on any sites…lol.  I just went to see if I kept the messages he sent me but I didn’t so this is going to be a little vague since it happened so long ago.  He started his message writing about his unhappiness with another staff person at my agency. His complaint totally seemed legit so I told him that and that’s when he responded back suggesting we could hang out sometime.  I answered back saying that would not be professional of me to do so and I was now going to block him. Which I did and haven’t gone back to that site until tonight.

Then, I had my worst date ever which I did write about and you can find here: Worst Date Ever

And now while at the jail, I have patients/inmates wanting to write me when they either go to prison or are getting released from jail…Yep, lucky me.

I know having no interest in dating is not healthy.  I should get out there and start dating again. I do get on Tinder every few weeks (which I’ve done the last 6 months) but nothing has come from this site.

So this is my plan: it looks like I’m going to have to move soon…like in the next month or two. I have an interview on Tuesday in a town that would be fun to live in and which would be WAY bigger than the town I’m in now. I’ll move to a bigger town so the likelihood of me meeting a past client will be slim. I know this and because of this, it will get me out there looking again.

Good plan, right?!?! =)

 

Jail and Tinder

Jail and Tinder

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Noooo, I didn’t just get in trouble and have to spend some time in jail. If you didn’t see my post from a few weeks ago, I have recently been hired to work as a therapist at the jail. I wrote in that post “that everyone deserves to be listened to” and I want this to be true. Yet, I’m finding this is easier said than done. =( I found it hard my first couple of shifts when I heard the charges of the inmates: mom charged for sexually molesting her son; man charged for taking naked pictures of underage girls and now wants to blame it on his mental illness that he is faking to have.

My supervisor said she does not ask the inmates about their charges so she does not become jaded. I am going to start doing the same. I do believe there is a reason for ever action and everyone does have the ability to change. My plan is help each inmate through their crisis (for a lot of them, it  is their upcoming court and the unknown of their sentence or just getting their sentence). I will start focusing on worst case scenario and how they can face 5, 10, 20+ years in prison.

Good news about my  supervisor. I heard her say on the phone while she was talking to one of her kids: “Am I gonna have to punch you in the face?” If you don’t know why that was good to hear, I said that exact thing in a text that I thought was going to a friend but it ended up going to my old boss which got me fired. Here’s the post on that if you haven’t read it yet:Things falling apart…

Tinder

I finally got on Tinder for the first time but no dates yet…there aren’t too many options in the town I live in for guys my age so I think I’ll have to wait till I get back to the city to go on a date (yes, I’m pretty sure I’m headed back to the city, I’ll write about that in my next post). Here is the first conversation I had with a guy on Tinder:

Me: “Hey…I’m finally trying Tinder for first time…how was your day?”

Him: “How are you”

Me: “I’m good…started a new job so change is always good…what’s been the highlight of your year so far?”

Him: “Nothing yet, you like dominant men?”

That’s it…he didn’t waste any time.  No, I’m not surprised. A friend recently posted on Facebook how she had a guy ask her right away if she wanted to watch Netflix and chill. She asked her friends how she could respond in the future and here are some of the funny responses she got:

“You’re so quick to ask. I hope you last longer in bed.”

And

“Perfect! I want kids too!”

And

“I’d really like that. May I see a pic of what you’re working with?”

Him: [sends pic]

You: “Does it get bigger? Or is that it?”

Aren’t those hilarious =)

Worst Date EVER

Worst Date EVER

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Since I last wrote about Drummer, I went to go see his band play and another night we went bowling. Over the weekend we drank some beer. And here’s what happened:

Me: “So ya gotta tell me, why don’t you like to talk about your kids??”

Him: “This isn’t the time.”

Me: “It’s the perfect time. We’re drinking beers.”

Him: “All right, let’s go for a walk. (We walk). So this is bad, it’s real bad. You know how gay people say they don’t choose to be gay. Well, it’s the same for me. When my kids (he has a daughter and son) were young, I touched them so I’m a sexual offender.”

Me: “Have you acted on your urges recently?”

Him: “No, the last time was about 15 years ago.”

Me: “Were there other kids?”

Him: “Yeah, a few others.” (I wonder how many are a few?!?!) “And it sucks because I want to put this behind me but I can’t cause it always comes up.”

Me: “Yeah, because there is knowing a difference between right and wrong and you did not consider that.  I just had to basically beg you to tell me. You need to tell a woman this after a few dates. She has the right to know.”

Him: “But I want someone to know me as me now. I didn’t have sex with them. ”

Me: “So you touched them and jerked off?”

Him: “Yeah.”

Me:  “I believe you that you are the way you are because it’s how you are born. But I can’t date you. I’ll be your friend.”

Him: “Every 3 years I have to do the stuff so I’m on the sexual registry list and in some ways I know I was lucky. If I had done this today, I would have had 15 years to life in prison and I didn’t have to go to prison. But what about the guy who beats up his wife over and over again? Isn’t that just as bad as what I did?”

Me: “Your right, it is.”

We then started talking about his kids…I went into therapist action. We went back in and I drank some more beer and he then said he “felt weird” and left. A few of my friends asked me where he was and I said: “He said he drank enough beer and wanted to go.”

I feel like I was kind to him and that I am proud of…And now I don’t want to date the rest of the year….lol…I really am fine being single.

 

 

1st Date in 8 months

1st Date in 8 months

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I can’t believe it’s been 8 months since my last date…This was definitely the longest I’ve gone without a date. Best part about it though is that I feel so good because I truly know myself and what I need.

He found me on Plenty of Fish and contacted me first asking: “Have you ever dug in the dirt at 14,000ft looking for aquamarine? That’s an adventure!”  Right away he gets  bonus points for being creative. We sent a couple of messages back and fourth and decided to do dinner tonight. I’ll call him Drummer since he plays in a band. Here’s what I learned:

Pro: He was married for 15 years  (I like to hear this because to me, it shows he loved someone very much and tried to make it work but it just wasn’t meant to be).

Con: He now lives with his mother. =(

Pro: He said he can’t remember the last time he got drunk and also said he doesn’t abuse any drugs either.

Con: He said he has two kids and when I asked about them,  all he said was that they were in the city…shouldn’t a father have a little bit more to say about his kids?

Pro: He bought my dinner and drinks, even after I tried to insist that I pay my half.

Pro: He’s intelligent and the conversation was easy and it flowed nicely.

Pro: He gives good hugs. =)

 

 

The Joys of Dating

The Joys of Dating

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So, after being in this town since May of 2015, I’ve finally decided to get serious about dating (well, also one of my coworkers keeps asking me if I’ve created a profile so I can finally say yes and she can leave me alone now…lol).

I created a profile on Plenty of Fish yesterday. This town is less than 100,000. And what did I notice today? One of my former patients also has a profile…oh, joy. It really actually creeps me out and part of me wants to delete my profile right away…I don’t think POF gives users the ability to block others because I would do that if that was an option. I guess I’ll keep it up for now and see what happens.

I’ve sent some emails out asking how their day was or weekend and I’ve gotten many one liners back like: “Was good…just taking it easy. How bout you?”  “Weekend was decent. How was yours?” and “Doing good. How about you?” That’s it?!?! That’s all I get?? Maybe I’m expecting too much…but just a few more sentences would be nice…Am I expecting too much???

One of the guys does get extra bonus points for being creative because when it asks about the first date in the profile, he said “fight off evil ninja monkeys.” =)