Single life

Single life

It’s Saturday night and it’s just me and my furry kiddos. The norm for me which I’m totally OK with…I have had no interest in dating for the past year and it’s definitely a combination of interactions.

One is that a past client contacted me on an internet dating site. This probably happened about a year ago and I’m still a little scared to go back on any sites…lol.  I just went to see if I kept the messages he sent me but I didn’t so this is going to be a little vague since it happened so long ago.  He started his message writing about his unhappiness with another staff person at my agency. His complaint totally seemed legit so I told him that and that’s when he responded back suggesting we could hang out sometime.  I answered back saying that would not be professional of me to do so and I was now going to block him. Which I did and haven’t gone back to that site until tonight.

Then, I had my worst date ever which I did write about and you can find here: Worst Date Ever

And now while at the jail, I have patients/inmates wanting to write me when they either go to prison or are getting released from jail…Yep, lucky me.

I know having no interest in dating is not healthy.  I should get out there and start dating again. I do get on Tinder every few weeks (which I’ve done the last 6 months) but nothing has come from this site.

So this is my plan: it looks like I’m going to have to move soon…like in the next month or two. I have an interview on Tuesday in a town that would be fun to live in and which would be WAY bigger than the town I’m in now. I’ll move to a bigger town so the likelihood of me meeting a past client will be slim. I know this and because of this, it will get me out there looking again.

Good plan, right?!?! =)

 

Jail and Tinder

Jail and Tinder

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Noooo, I didn’t just get in trouble and have to spend some time in jail. If you didn’t see my post from a few weeks ago, I have recently been hired to work as a therapist at the jail. I wrote in that post “that everyone deserves to be listened to” and I want this to be true. Yet, I’m finding this is easier said than done. =( I found it hard my first couple of shifts when I heard the charges of the inmates: mom charged for sexually molesting her son; man charged for taking naked pictures of underage girls and now wants to blame it on his mental illness that he is faking to have.

My supervisor said she does not ask the inmates about their charges so she does not become jaded. I am going to start doing the same. I do believe there is a reason for ever action and everyone does have the ability to change. My plan is help each inmate through their crisis (for a lot of them, it  is their upcoming court and the unknown of their sentence or just getting their sentence). I will start focusing on worst case scenario and how they can face 5, 10, 20+ years in prison.

Good news about my  supervisor. I heard her say on the phone while she was talking to one of her kids: “Am I gonna have to punch you in the face?” If you don’t know why that was good to hear, I said that exact thing in a text that I thought was going to a friend but it ended up going to my old boss which got me fired. Here’s the post on that if you haven’t read it yet:Things falling apart…

Tinder

I finally got on Tinder for the first time but no dates yet…there aren’t too many options in the town I live in for guys my age so I think I’ll have to wait till I get back to the city to go on a date (yes, I’m pretty sure I’m headed back to the city, I’ll write about that in my next post). Here is the first conversation I had with a guy on Tinder:

Me: “Hey…I’m finally trying Tinder for first time…how was your day?”

Him: “How are you”

Me: “I’m good…started a new job so change is always good…what’s been the highlight of your year so far?”

Him: “Nothing yet, you like dominant men?”

That’s it…he didn’t waste any time.  No, I’m not surprised. A friend recently posted on Facebook how she had a guy ask her right away if she wanted to watch Netflix and chill. She asked her friends how she could respond in the future and here are some of the funny responses she got:

“You’re so quick to ask. I hope you last longer in bed.”

And

“Perfect! I want kids too!”

And

“I’d really like that. May I see a pic of what you’re working with?”

Him: [sends pic]

You: “Does it get bigger? Or is that it?”

Aren’t those hilarious =)

Worst Date EVER

Worst Date EVER

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Since I last wrote about Drummer, I went to go see his band play and another night we went bowling. Over the weekend we drank some beer. And here’s what happened:

Me: “So ya gotta tell me, why don’t you like to talk about your kids??”

Him: “This isn’t the time.”

Me: “It’s the perfect time. We’re drinking beers.”

Him: “All right, let’s go for a walk. (We walk). So this is bad, it’s real bad. You know how gay people say they don’t choose to be gay. Well, it’s the same for me. When my kids (he has a daughter and son) were young, I touched them so I’m a sexual offender.”

Me: “Have you acted on your urges recently?”

Him: “No, the last time was about 15 years ago.”

Me: “Were there other kids?”

Him: “Yeah, a few others.” (I wonder how many are a few?!?!) “And it sucks because I want to put this behind me but I can’t cause it always comes up.”

Me: “Yeah, because there is knowing a difference between right and wrong and you did not consider that.  I just had to basically beg you to tell me. You need to tell a woman this after a few dates. She has the right to know.”

Him: “But I want someone to know me as me now. I didn’t have sex with them. ”

Me: “So you touched them and jerked off?”

Him: “Yeah.”

Me:  “I believe you that you are the way you are because it’s how you are born. But I can’t date you. I’ll be your friend.”

Him: “Every 3 years I have to do the stuff so I’m on the sexual registry list and in some ways I know I was lucky. If I had done this today, I would have had 15 years to life in prison and I didn’t have to go to prison. But what about the guy who beats up his wife over and over again? Isn’t that just as bad as what I did?”

Me: “Your right, it is.”

We then started talking about his kids…I went into therapist action. We went back in and I drank some more beer and he then said he “felt weird” and left. A few of my friends asked me where he was and I said: “He said he drank enough beer and wanted to go.”

I feel like I was kind to him and that I am proud of…And now I don’t want to date the rest of the year….lol…I really am fine being single.

 

 

1st Date in 8 months

1st Date in 8 months

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I can’t believe it’s been 8 months since my last date…This was definitely the longest I’ve gone without a date. Best part about it though is that I feel so good because I truly know myself and what I need.

He found me on Plenty of Fish and contacted me first asking: “Have you ever dug in the dirt at 14,000ft looking for aquamarine? That’s an adventure!”  Right away he gets  bonus points for being creative. We sent a couple of messages back and fourth and decided to do dinner tonight. I’ll call him Drummer since he plays in a band. Here’s what I learned:

Pro: He was married for 15 years  (I like to hear this because to me, it shows he loved someone very much and tried to make it work but it just wasn’t meant to be).

Con: He now lives with his mother. =(

Pro: He said he can’t remember the last time he got drunk and also said he doesn’t abuse any drugs either.

Con: He said he has two kids and when I asked about them,  all he said was that they were in the city…shouldn’t a father have a little bit more to say about his kids?

Pro: He bought my dinner and drinks, even after I tried to insist that I pay my half.

Pro: He’s intelligent and the conversation was easy and it flowed nicely.

Pro: He gives good hugs. =)

 

 

The Joys of Dating

The Joys of Dating

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So, after being in this town since May of 2015, I’ve finally decided to get serious about dating (well, also one of my coworkers keeps asking me if I’ve created a profile so I can finally say yes and she can leave me alone now…lol).

I created a profile on Plenty of Fish yesterday. This town is less than 100,000. And what did I notice today? One of my former patients also has a profile…oh, joy. It really actually creeps me out and part of me wants to delete my profile right away…I don’t think POF gives users the ability to block others because I would do that if that was an option. I guess I’ll keep it up for now and see what happens.

I’ve sent some emails out asking how their day was or weekend and I’ve gotten many one liners back like: “Was good…just taking it easy. How bout you?”  “Weekend was decent. How was yours?” and “Doing good. How about you?” That’s it?!?! That’s all I get?? Maybe I’m expecting too much…but just a few more sentences would be nice…Am I expecting too much???

One of the guys does get extra bonus points for being creative because when it asks about the first date in the profile, he said “fight off evil ninja monkeys.” =)

I guess I’ll try this Tinder thing everyone is talking about

I guess I’ll try this Tinder thing everyone is talking about

I’ve been in no hurry to start dating again because I DO trust life…more so now than in any other time in my life. In my late 20s/early 30s, there were a few times I felt so hopeless because all my friends were getting married. I thought being single was the worst thing that could happen to a gal. One time, I drove from Denver to Salina, Kansas (about 6 hours) to meet a guy for a first date and when he let me know he wasn’t attracted to me, I can vividly remember calling my friends Scarlett and Cale sobbing because I thought my life was over because I was so tired of dating.

Now, I enjoy my life SO MUCH that honestly, I am in no hurry to date. I know I have mentioned before that my coworkers are awesome. We are always doing something (on Christmas I worked and after work, we had a party where we drank and played Cards Against Humanity-It was my first time and I won! What a FUN game!! This weekend there is another get together).   A few of my coworkers though are urging me to start dating again. I first said: “OK, OK, I’ll start dating again once the new year starts.” Then, a few weeks ago I said: “I’ll start after Valentines day.” Coworkers: “YOU SAID YOU WOULD start in the new year.” Me: “I know, I know, I’ve been thinking about it and I just want to wait till after V-Day.”

So that’s my plan….I haven’t been on Tinder yet so I want to see what Tinder is all about. Yet, I’ll need to buy a new phone because my current phone has very low data storage.  But now I’ll have to wait on the new phone because I just got rear ended while driving in Santa Fe. My car isn’t driveable and so I need to go car shopping. My plan is to try Tinder some time in 2016…hahaha =)

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Phone numbers were exchanged!

Phone numbers were exchanged!

Met a guy earlier in the week at the bar and it’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt such a GOOD VIBE from someone and then had the GUTS to give him my number.

He sat down next to me at the bar. I was immediately attracted to him. Long blond pony tail. Nice body. I waited about 10 minutes to talk to him…didn’t want to seem to eager. I heard him talking about Red Rocks so I asked: “Did you just go to a concert at Red Rocks?” Him: “Yesss” (with a grin). So then we started talking about all the bands we’ve seen at Red Rocks and also bands we saw at other venues in the Denver area. Pearl Jam, Lenny Kravitz, Phish…many others…He’s seeing Ben Harper in September which would be a great show to see.

We talked about the difference between city life and small town life and all the pluses of a small town. He asked many questions….One of the first was what I do and I like to say “social work” first and when asked what field or population, than I say therapy…So when he asked for specifics and I told him, he said “That’s what my mom did” and smiled. He mentioned his brother many times and at one point, I felt he was trying to set me up with his brother.

So I then asked: “Do you have a girlfriend?”

Him: “No.”

Me: “Boyfriend?”

Him: “No” and smiled again.

Me:”Good, just want to make sure I’m not overstepping any boundaries.”

We talked about places close by and I asked if he had any pictures on his phone he wanted to share, so we spent some time looking through his pics. This really is a pretty part of the country.

Our night ended by him asking if I like to camp.

Him: “My friends and I have some camping trips planned this summer so maybe you can join us.”

Me: “I WOULD love to.”