I had a patient who wanted to end his life. He took drastic measures to try and end it, but (thankfully) it didn’t work. I tried so many things to bring life back into him. He’s given up though. He believes he has no reason to live. Every few days, I would ask him, hoping that something might have changed, but he still responded by saying he had no reasons to live. I was hoping he eventually would be able to start a gratitude journal, we could start with small things like sunshine or a good meal, but he wasn’t willing to do this.

Why?!? Why had he given up?? When asked, he said something about how tough the last 5-10 years have been. When asked why he believes it will never get better, he would respond by saying: “I guess it’s just my depression.”

What did I do?!? I looked through books hoping to get some inspiration…I looked through quotes, hoping some would have some meaning for him. And I held back my tears when I was talking to him and could see his hopelessness…but now, as I write this, the tears fall…

He mentioned prayer…I encouraged him to pray.

One day, as I was walking to go see him, a thought occurred: maybe he would like the idea of getting help for his substance abuse. I mentioned it to him and he likes the idea. So IĀ  hoped and prayed for 1) that there was an opening somewhere where he can get help and 2) that he does follow through with the idea and he gets help.

He will haunt me the rest of my life if he chooses to end his life and I just can’t accept that…please, let this not happen….




6 thoughts on “Life

  1. Hopelessness is darkness…no light at the end of the tunnel. It’s sometimes easy to see how life will not get better. I’m not a person of any strong beliefs but if nothing else I still believe in the idea of “you never know what can happen” and it’s not something you can see coming. Also, if we have the ability to help others in some way then it’s a reason to keep living.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. aw, Lisa, this is the part of our job that is really truly hard. And not that you asked, but DBT skill building can help. Creating a life worth living is at its core and since he’s dual diagnosed, DBT can address his distress tolerance and emotional regulation issues. omg. I’m supervising. …. I need to start looking for a job. lol
    Best wishes for this client and for your self-care in all of this. šŸ™‚
    oh, and you can look up marsha linnehan and determine whether the client is suicidal or para-suicidal. The difference isn’t much but it’s a good start when diagnosing. šŸ™‚ Ok, I’ll stop now. (don’t forget to ask for supervision!)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. He also has paranoia and AH which the meds are helping…He liked the idea of “wise mind” and meditation…I was trying to work on his thought distortions…like one was “I’m stupid.” So I was trying to think of 3 examples why he is not stupid and he wouldn’t agree to any of my examples…he did think of 1 example…like i said, he took drastic measures so there was nothing para-suicidal about it…


    1. Oh wow… poor thing. You know, when I was going through my lowest period of depression a few years back, someone also suggested I tried prayer as a form of expressing my feelings and mental relaxation. On top of that, I tried meditation and it took a while, but it definitely helped.

      I hope he pulls through and gets better.

      Liked by 1 person

Would love to hear what you think...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s