I want to keep my family’s privacy through all this because I am the one choosing to write about this and not them. So here is a conversation with “T.”
It’s not the first time I’ve been this depressed…when it’s happened before, I dealt with it in an unhealthy way and took it out on T. I was horrible. I was mean. I’m SO THANKFUL T forgave me. We talked last week and she asked:
“Are you that low again?”
Me: “Yes, I’m that low.”
T: “I just don’t know how to deal with depression and you and I handle it in such different ways. I’m scared you are going to lash out on me.”
Me: “Well, if I lash out, it’s because I’m depressed and not thinking straight…I haven’t lashed out this time. “
T: “I know…I just don’t know what to do for you.”
Me: “Just pick up the phone like you just did.”
I’ve been thinking about how I want to use this blog and I want to write about past vacations, dates, boyfriends while also including current happenings. Like I mentioned earlier, I’ve always kept a journal and so to get my head focused on something else, I thought I’d write about my past some. Hopefully, you all find it somewhat entertaining and will want to come back and read again.
So to begin with, in 1997, I went to Moldova. Some of you know why I went to Moldova and I don’t really want to go into the why here but I do want to share some of the notes I have from that trip. So here they are:
June 19: Met my host family today…I walked up to their apartment complex and it looked like it hasn’t been taken care of in years-so run down and I was a little scared. Inside the apartment, it’s small but homey. My host mom speaks French which released A LOT of tension from both her and I. When I was taking out my contacts, my host mom came into the bathroom and peered over my shoulder looking so intensely at my actions.
June 21: She sits in the bathtub with the door open and a stranger in the house. Who is this crazy woman? My host mom.
June 22: Olga, my host sister, loves Nirvana. She wore a Jon Bon Jovi t-shirt yesterday. Asked if I liked Metallica, Guns & Roses, Sheryl Crow, and Alanis Morissette.
June 28: Met some friends of my host parents and one question someone asked me that makes me chuckle is “Do I have a maid?”
July 1: Sounds heard throughout the day at the apartment complex: babies crying; pounding of the carpets; and the squeaking of the swing set.