So, I’ve been processing more about why is it so hard to open up about depression. Why is it so hard to say “I’ve been depressed the last few months” when asked how you are doing. I think no one wants to be a “downer.” Which is silly, isn’t it. Life is hard. Feelings should be expressed. So talk about your depression if you are sad or can’t sleep at night or not doing what you used to love. That’s a promise I just made to myself. I think another reason depression is never talked about is no one wants to be thought of as a “drama queen.” Ugh, drama queens…obviously, there is a difference between someone going through a difficult time and suffering because of that and someone who has Axis II behavior (in the psych world that means someone who basically likes to manipulate others or someone who is narcissistic…there are other diagnosis under this Axis but when we say he/she is “displaying Axis II behavior,” that’s what we mean).
Being new to blogs, I’m kind of fascinated how many have read my entry so far. It shows how many “views” you get and in less than 24 hours, I had 83 views. I thought maybe 10 of you would read it…Of course, today, only 3 of you might view this and I’m not writing to get views…I’m writing to get my mind thinking again. And my oldest nephew (he’s 21) read it and commented too…how cool is that. And I believe my oldest niece who is also 21 read it too since she “liked” the post…so it really just lifts my spirit and exactly what I needed. I had a few private messages and friends told me I’m “brave,” “not alone,” and thanking me for sharing.
Ok…now on to what happened on why I was fired. I’m sure you are curious and I have no issues giving you all the details.
My boss asked to meet with me and started the meeting with: “Do you know why you are here?” Me: “Someone must be unhappy.” And so he then brought up that one hospital was unhappy with a safety plan that was put into place. Yet, there was no plan put into place because I was waiting to hear back from the case manager at the hospital. I had even discussed the crisis with my boss while it was happening and we talked over different possibilities and that was where I was at…nothing was finalized and so I shouldn’t be blamed about the unhappiness with the “safety plan.” I left a voicemail asking the case manager to please call me back when she had a chance…So I thought she had it all figured out and didn’t need anything else from me since she never called back.
Then my boss brought up how another hospital said to my coworker “Oh, so glad it’s you and not Lisa.” I asked my boss did he know who it was that said that because it surrised me since I felt I had a good relationship with that hospital. And he said he did not know. I said I could give him names of numerous people in the community who I know would say I do a good job. He said that doesn’t matter and just trusted my coworker was telling the truth. Something a friend thought of and I didn’t at the moment was who told my coworker that…was it a nurse? A doctor? Was an official complaint made to HR? I have a feeling an official complaint was not made.
Next, he brings up the fact about a situation where I called the back up Emergency therapist when I shouldn’t have…I do agree on him on this point but DEFINITELY was not reason enough to get me fired. Then, finally, I think it was ultimately my coworker who wanted me gone. She has been doing the job longer than me and my boss trusts her and so because she said she felt I was doing a poor job communicating, he believed her. She also complained that I was not flexible with the schedule. She had wanted to change it a couple of months ago and I had plans so told her I couldn’t work a certain day and that made her upset. My coworker and I were completely different people and since we don’t get the opportunity to build on what we have in common like I did with everyone at the library, it was just a fact we were so different. She wanted me gone and so it happened.
So those are the reasons…crazy, huh….no other meeting in the past year with my boss. I actually had received a few compliments from community members the previous few months and my boss brought that up at this meeting…but those good words about me didn’t matter to my boss.
Not sleeping well and still haven’t picked up a book but hopefully that will change soon…