I can do this

I can do this

I’m depressed. It’s so hard to even write that. Saying it aloud is even harder.  I’ve been in the mental health field for the past two years and it’s hard to admit. Why? Why is it so hard to admit? I think a big part is judgement…I know my friends and family are not the judgment type but there’s the thought that they might be thinking: “Your life isn’t that bad, chin up.” But I need to take the advice I gave probably a thousand people which is I can’t compare my life to anyone else. There is nothing wrong with what I’m feeling and admitting that makes me feel better. I know having my health is a blessing. That is a HUGE blessing and I do not take that for granted. I know of others who are dealing with health issues and they are too young to have to worry about rather or not they are going to live or die. Too young. I know of others who lost their life too soon. WAY too soon. I know if I really needed to, I could move in with someone and I’d never be on the streets (and not everyone could say this).

But being fired twice has just broken my spirit. And when I got fired the second time a close friend told me I should write a book. I’ve always kept a journal but decided to try a blog…The main reason is so I can prove to my nieces and nephews (well, only one nephew is old enough to read this if he chooses to…lol) that life is going to throw you curve balls and not everything is going to go as planned. That life Is truly like a roller coaster ride with ups and downs. But what is important is to ask for help. To not pretend everything is ok when it isn’t. And they can get through hard, difficult times just like I will.

When I was at a library gathering a few weeks ago and I was asked how I was doing, I couldn’t open up to one person that I was depressed. And that’s not right. I had to look away and hold myself together. When I was driving home, I started crying and I told myself I didn’t want to pretend anymore that “everythings ok.” And I had dinner a week later with a friend and that time I was able to admit I have been depressed. It felt SO good to be honest.

So I begin again trying to put the pieces together. And I can do this.

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10 thoughts on “I can do this

  1. Lisa-There is a lot of depression in my family. It’s hard as you well know. I’m reading a bit about it. Try The Vitamin Cure for Depression by Bo H. Jonsson and Andrew W. Saul. What I like about it is that it explains various things that may be lacking in your system that could help you without taking drugs or in addition to them. It’s not an exact thing so it’s different for everyone. Of course that makes it tricky and hard. Writing is such a good release. Keep it up and know many are going through the same thing and are routing for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey Lisa,
    I am married to one of your second or third cousins, Nick. We have met but we really don’t know each other, I saw your post on face book and decided to read your blog. The family would probably refer to me as a religious fanatic. I think I just believe God, not only believe in God …but believe him. If I was playing poker you could say I am “all in” where Jesus is concerned. But I am not responding to preach to you, just to share with you and let you know you are heard. I too have had times of depression, right now one of my sisters is in a very bad depression. I would say she has good reason to be depressed, I thought I had good reason to be depressed last time I was. Whether you have a reason or not really doesn’t matter, it is a state we sometimes find ourselves in, but climbing out is the objective. I don’t have a trick or answer for you on what that looks like for you but I think writing a blog is a good idea. I just wanted you to know I am cheering you on as you walk down this path. I will talk to my Father about giving you what you need right now as you travel this path. My dad passed away almost 4 years ago, so yes, I am talking about praying for you, it just sometimes sounds so canned when you say you will pray for someone. Prayer is just a part of my every thought and for me it’s just talking to my Father. It’s one way I cope in life and it helps keep me thinking about other people and their needs. May God Bless You and Keep You! Cheri

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I read it! I’ve gone through my own bouts of depression and I have always found someone to talk to and confide in. Someone to just help give the nudge forward to keep myself going on whichever track I choose, even jump a track to move right on towards another. Things happen but time keeps going all we can do is pick up the prices and keep going with it.

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  4. Thank you Janet and Cheri for your thoughts. And Derik (that’s my oldest nephew if anyone else reads this!) you reading and then commenting touches my heart…so glad you have always found someone to talk to and I like how you put it (“track I choose/jump a track”).

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  5. Lisa, the thought of you being depressed is an oxymoron, as you are one of the most spirited people that I can remember from my early 20s. so I hope this feeling is only temporary. I have always found that depression, sadness and being needy are feelings that we need to experience to continue down our life path with better understanding, strength, and the answers to make it through another day, week, year. Without these feelings, how would we ever appreciate the good the bad and the ugly in life, right? Be well and know that things are as they should be. Cheers
    JM

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    1. Joshua…thank you for taking a few minutes and showing your care and writing your thoughts…i have SO many fun memories from Quixotes….

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  6. Welcome to the club! It sucks. You’re gonna love it. (Couldn’t help the Friends reference there).

    You did it! You took the first step that so many millions of people are afraid to do. You told the world you’re depressed. Now we can all commiserate, lift you up and support you. I know you’re going through a sucky time right now, and going through it while dealing with depression makes it no easier.

    I am ALWAYS here if you need to talk, cry, laugh or anything. Just keep being you and don’t hold back for fear of judgement. They don’t know what’s good for them anyway.

    You’ve got this!!

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    1. Thank you for your words of support Eunice…you are right, it has helped to let others know. How fun you are visiting Nashville now…I’ve never been and was just thinking “maybe I’ll go on my 50th birthday…oh heck, that’s 10 years away, I should get there sooner.”

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  7. Reblogged this on Life is Like a Roller Coaster Ride and commented:

    It’s my one year anniversary on WordPress!! Exactly one year ago, I was feeling lost and not sure where life would take me…but I knew I could get through it, and I did. I moved 6 hours away, have made new friends, and am loving life (except that I’m struggling a little financially because I’m not paid that much. That’s causing a little stress…but I know money doesn’t buy happiness so I want to look at my spending habits and see what I can do so I don’t stress about money). Anyways, I continue to enjoy this roller coaster ride of life and look forward to where it takes me next. =)

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